Being the Change
Help.
The hardest word to say and sometimes the most demanded by others.
Robin Williams’ character in “Worlds Greatest Dad” said “If you’re depressed, reach out to someone and remember that suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.”
Out of the horses’ mouth you could say, albeit, one of the most loved that God has ever graced us with.
At my lowest moments struggling with PTSD, I thought I would be met with literally almost anything other than what I actually was met with. The family closest to me either sent me away, told me I gave myself PTSD and that it was my fault, or that “no one is coming to save you”.
It turned out that it was strangers who actually were there outstretching a helping hand to me — people with a passion for saving others from their darkest moments without even having to be asked for it.
People like Ken Garber.
Granted, I know Joko Willink’s quote of “no one’s coming to save you” was supposed to encourage me to be self-reliant and pick my own self up, but what it actually fostered was resentment and more walls with trusting people.
Over years and years surrounded by crummy examples, I’ve learned that I can take all the negative things I feel about them and those moments and use that to fuel something good. Although, it’s taken me a long time to be able to do this and I don’t always hit the nail on the hammer, it’s a newer capability that I want to continue to grow.
I was given the opportunity to flex this new muscle last winter with the crazy freeze-over and power outage that hit us hard in Nashville.
A friend of mine was living in an apartment community located in an area that froze over and lost electricity. I knew that she was historically bad at asking for help, so I called to check on her, asked her to pack a bag and said that I would come get her so she could stay at our family’s house with me and my wife and kids, and wouldn’t be alone and cold. Picking her up felt like a rescue mission right out of the 911 shows.
As we rode home to my house that day, I felt my heart shift - I didn’t want to encourage people to ask for help anymore. I wanted to ACTIVELY look for people who needed help and either weren’t going to ask or who have the hardest time reaching out.
The positive output that I want to contribute to the world after my own eye-opening experience is that we, as human beings, SHOULD be looking for those who need a hand-up — without being asked. We SHOULD be looking for those to help save and if so, why not start with my own Veteran community?
I want to be more like Ken in that way.
In February of this year, Ken and Janie asked if I would do the honor of sitting on their Board of Directors for Veterans Health + Wellness Alliance, and I now have endless opportunities to impact the lives of our Tennessee post- 9/11 Veterans. It feels good to be a part of a team who is actively being the change they want to see in the world, and not just telling others to do it.
I’d like to challenge us all to take a small step in that same direction. Positively impact another’s life and even take note of how it impacts your own.
Steven Perales enlisted in the U.S. Air Force in 2004, at the age of 17. He specialized in Munitions Systems and deployed to Qatar for three months before being reassigned to Luke AF Base in Phoenix, Arizona, where he transitioned to Missile Technician. He was also a member of the Honor Guard, which buried fallen soldiers.
The day after Perales was discharged in 2014, he enlisted in the Air Force Reserves and was deployed to Helmand, Afghanistan as a Technical Sergeant. In February 2015, he was honorably discharged from the Air Force and entered defense contracting with Blackwater. A few years later he took a contract position in support of the Department of Defense operations in the Middle East where he worked in critical explosives and missile technician roles.